Okamorei on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/okamorei/art/Cupcake-Themed-Kia-Winner-589095711Okamorei

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Cupcake Themed Kia - Winner

Published: Feb 6, 2016

1.3K Views

Description

_{Winner;
After thoroughly reading through each form I've come to a decision on the winner of this kia ;w; it was very hard, as all the forms were superb, but unfortunately there can only be one winner. So without further ado, I would like to congratulate Northern-song on winning this babe ;w; I loved your significance through the way you portrayed it in your story. Reading your form I fell in love, having my own issue with overbearing parents this particular story pulled at my heartstrings ;w; I hope you love your new girl Niylah as much as I loved reading about her.

Honorable mentions;
(note; I will be giving constructive criticism so please don't hate me TwT my words are merely to help with any future adopts you may enter so don't take like I'm bashing or anything TwT just wanted to express that beforehand. If you have any questions about character building don't be afraid to chat me up on it, I love to help with that kinds of stuff //shoots)

Tenebrism
Yours was very close with northern and gave me a hard time choosing XD I honestly wanted to read more from your form, like more about him playing cupid with his drug-laced sweets that makes people fall in love involuntarily. It would have made an interesting read. I also wanted to desperately know what was inside that heart. Yours was definitely a heart breaker and I loved every bit of it. The only thing that held it back was the length. It felt too short to satisfy the want to know more about him and left me hungry for more, like a good anime that's ended too early coughpanty&stockingwouldbeoneofthoseanimescough. But that shouldn't be taken as bad but good, as it shows that you can leave your readers wanting more ;3 it's tough but learning the perfect middle ground of just enough but not too much is a tough skill to master, but when you get there I can tell you will be one hell of a writer //shoots cause makes bad black butler joke
I do hope to see your forms and ideas again in the future though, I shall be waiting ;3

hanibot
Having my own insecurities with my weight, I love to see characters that can feel comfortable with their weight and it always brightens my day. Although the story felt a bit weak and cliche, I still enjoyed reading it nonetheless <3 the mean mother seems to be overused nowadays, maybe some food for thought would be to try and used an unlikely source for her teasing of her weight? In your story the mother mentions that as a higher class young lady, her daughter will be judged more harshly than someone of average class, but the story didn't actually portray any judging views from an outside party other than the mother herself. Maybe you could have included something like the servants snickering about how the young mistress is growing "out" of all her clothes and if she keeps going she'll be a butterball in no time and the mother overhears this. I felt like the mother was mean with no reason, showing the mothers own insecurities about her social class would have really tied it together nicely so she didn't seem so mean with no reason. Everyone has flaws and to show those makes them more human and relatable ^w^

MyNameIsDefault
You know me too well :I //beads of sweat form on forehead
I of course really liked the use of the pillow being their significance, the only issue was the length. While I liked it the story it felt too short, too bland. I wanted to read more, feel the passion, but it felt dry. Next time try to make it a tad more juicy ;O; if I could describe it, it was like reading a description to a book, just generally summing things up in a short sweet package, but in the end leaving it dry compared to the true story within. I felt there was so much more you could have done with this, all the potential wasted, especially with your knowledge of pillows ewe //nudges you with elbow. I like the idea and the significance though, the only thing I would change is give me a bit more detail about her, I don't want to read a textbook description of her, I want to feel the passion she has for the pillow, the heartbreaking pain of loosing her dear friend, the drive to honor his memory by making her own bakery, and the determination she is filled with follow her dreams!! And I know you have the ability to deliver this! Don't believe in yourself, believe in the Okamorei that believes in you!!
(and of course I'm going to be more strict with you about my criticism cause I expect more from you ewe //shoots)

Aa I'm so excited to be a kia artist, I'm still freaking out about it! I don't even know how to deal!

Anyway, moving past my flipping out, I decided to kick start this by doing a cover adopt <3 cause I love cover adopts since doing those christmas bulbs I did this past holiday.
For this one you have to tell me something or someone significant to them. I'll be looking for the significance to play a part in their character development rather than just "they like flowers cause they smell nice". You can add extras but keep the focus of your form on the significance ;w;

username;
name;
gender;
significance;

End date; 20th

Kiamaras are a closed species owned by pandoras-island}

Image size

793x509px 242.99 KB

Comments39

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jay-us

Feb 23, 2016

Congrats you guys!